i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
