Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
