Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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