bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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