Will you blow on my dice?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
