when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
