My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
