Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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