maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
