My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
