just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
