true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
