now i know why i became what i already was.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
