its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
