You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
