I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
