i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
