Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i believe in u and ur pee
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
