covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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