just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
