i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
