I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I didn't notice because vodka
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
