I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
