Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
