Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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