Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
