I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
