At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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