How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have demons in me.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
