Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
