Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
