walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
