I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
