I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
