please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hippo gnu deer
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
