we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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