We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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