i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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