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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
