she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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