the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
