well I can't set my house on fire every night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
