Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
