i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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