So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
