we made out on top of his cat.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
