i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
BRING THE BAGELS
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
