Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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