I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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