It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
