Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
