Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
